His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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