The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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