So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
