the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
