Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
