Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
