I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
