My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
