hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
