he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
