Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
