i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
