I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alive.
So much puke
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
