piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
