I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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