That's when you crack a 10am beer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
