Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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