I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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