I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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