I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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