I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
