We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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