guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
