respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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