ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
