I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
