I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
