She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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