Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
