I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
