That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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