so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
