you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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