And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
