Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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