I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
