i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
