a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize