he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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