Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
