she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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