HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
being pregnant is like rehab
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
