plz talk dirty to me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
