At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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