We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
