Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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