So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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