Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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