What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
