Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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