I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
