oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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