onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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