He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize