don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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