i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
