do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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