She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
