All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish you could order shots online.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize