Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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