His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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