I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
