I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
