I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
