Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
God I need to hump something, right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
