i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
