I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
