It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
